The fifth game of our Announcers’ Critiques was the most entertaining game of the season for us so far. It was a shoot out that would make the movie, Tombstone, extremely proud. I haven’t had this much fun watching a game since the Suns-Nets double overtime gunfight in 2006. In that game the Suns combined to score 318 points with the Nets as Jason Kidd and Steve Nash traded big shot after big shot. On this night (December 5th), the Suns combined with the Raptors to score 259 points in regulation. This time it was two reserve guards, T.J. Ford and Leandro Barbosa that were trading shots as Barbosa led all scorers with 35 points and Ford had the second highest total with 27 points.
The Suns ended up running away with it by winning 136 to 123, but it was such a fun game to watch. Jose Calderon tried to match Steve Nash by scoring 14 points and dishing out 9 assists, but Steve was on the top of his game as he scored 10 points and had an astonishing 18 assists. The Suns moved the ball extremely well with 38 assists on 53 made field goals. Grant Hill chipped in with 17 points and 9 assists. Both teams shot extremely well with 58.9% shooting for Phoenix and 55.4% shooting for Toronto. The Suns set themselves apart from the Raptors in the third quarter by scoring 45 points.
However, the real reason that this game was so much more entertaining than usual was because of the Toronto Raptors’ announcers. Play-by-play man, Chuck Swirsky, and color commentator, Leo Rautins, were absolutely phenomenal and we knew early on that they would be challenging the Sonics’ team of Kevin Calabro and Snapper Jones for the top spot. I don’t know if this was the Raptors’ broadcasting crew pulling out all of the stops because Brandon Gallawa and Zach Harper were critiquing them, but this was one of the finest broadcasts that we had ever seen.
Nicknames- Zach Harper: 9; Brandon Gallawa: 9
Zach Harper- This team was really good without using stupid nicknames and resorting to referring to the Raptors with first names. They even had a great nickname for Carlos Delfino that I will let my co-counsel unveil to you. There were a couple of too many Jose’s when referring to Jose Calderon, but overall, The Swirsk and Rautins were extremely professional by calling players by their last and full names. They didn’t even refer to T.J. Ford as T.J, which was much expected because almost every other announcing team wouldn’t realize how stupid that is. If you were a complete outsider and knew nothing about the NBA, you’d be able to identify most players after this game thanks to these guys.
Brandon Gallawa- Normally I consider announcing crews using first names and nicknames to be an absolute cardinal sin. That was until I heard the way Rautins referred to Carlos Delfino. Most people know that Carlos is the Spanish equivalent to Charles. Delfino is from Argentina. So when Rautins started calling Delfino Chuck, I had to laugh. I came to the conclusion that as long as nicknames or first names are off-color or commonly unacceptable, the broadcast crew gets bonus points for creativity. It happens in baseball quite a bit, but it isn’t as common in basketball. They did miss a huge opportunity to use a lot of Joe Calderons throughout the broadcast. The only thing that would net more bonus points would be if the broadcasters started referring to the players by their transgressions. Just imagine a Gus Johnson describing a play by Stephon Marbury, “Oh and there’s an assist from Cancer.” These are the things I dream about.
Objectivity- Zach Harper: 8; Brandon Gallawa: 8
Zach Harper- This team definitely got excited for their Raptors but it wasn’t in a homer-type of way. When the Raptors made plays, they were excited because they were great plays. However, when the Suns were making great passes and hitting three after three, Chuck and Leo were just as excited. They were happy to see great basketball being played no matter what team was doing it. My favorite part of their excitement had to be when Jamario Moon was making plays. Jamario has become a fan favorite of most Raptors’ fan and even though I’m not a Raptors’ fan, I’ve also fallen for him to the point that I have a huge man-crush on him and his basketball abilities. It felt like the Swirsk was right there with me on this topic.
Brandon Gallawa- This is how announcers should act to show their excitement. It was a fantastic game that was made more enjoyable by the guys announcing it. They didn’t get overly excited when someone put up a three or went up for a dunk. They recognized great play by both teams. I think had Steve Nash not been involved they may have been less objective. He is the best basketball player to ever come out of Canada. It would be like if Dirk Nowitzi and the Dallas Mavericks played a game against the German national team. The announcers in Germany would lean towards the national team, but they would still be objective because Dirk is playing for the opponents. I think this team would still be objective for other games, but I think Nash had a big influence on their objectivity.
Color Commentator (Leo Rautins)- Zach Harper: 10; Brandon: 8
Zach Harper- Leo came up with the best nickname of the season for Carlos Delfino. That alone would have gotten him a 7, which is completely solid. You add in the fact that Leo was very knowledgeable (he was considered the second greatest Canadian player to Steve Nash) in the way that he broke down replays and gave insight on what players should be doing. That would have netted him an 8. But in the 2nd quarter, the Raptors swapped color commentators with Phoenix’s broadcast crew and brought in Thunder Dan Majerle for most of the quarter. Thunder Dan! Majerle is one of my favorite players of the 90’s and the greatest Central Michigan Chippewa of all time. Thunder Dan was fantastic and makes me want to do a Suns’ game pretty soon for the Announcer’s Critiques. This gave them a guaranteed 10 for the rest of the game. Even if Leo Rautins hadn’t been really good, this would have still guaranteed a perfect score. The best thing about this “gimmick” was that it actually worked. Chuck was able to blend Majerle right into the broadcast and they had a great chemistry together. There weren’t any awkward pauses or any instances of them talking over each other. Fantastic idea by the Raptors.
Brandon Gallawa- Rautins was a better than average color commentator. He was incredibly knowledgeable, and his insight on Nash didn’t hurt. He was very good at breaking down replays. The constant and unwavering use of Chuck Delfino solidified his score for me. I have to disagree with my cohort on the Thunder Dan appearance. I love the gimmick. In fact it probably increased the objectivity score because it allowed some insight and a different perspective on the game. It did make it difficult to give Rautins a perfect score. He didn’t even do the whole broadcast, so I almost had to give him an incomplete. Rautins worked so well with Swirsky, but Swirsky also didn’t seem to miss a beat with Majerle assisting him. If anything this helped Swirsky’s score more than Rautins’ score. Ultimately Rautins added to the broadcast while he was there, so he still gets a good score.
Sideline Reporter (Rod Black/Brian Heaney)- Zach Harper: 6; Brandon Gallawa: 7
Zach Harper- It was like watching the Adventures of Bob and Doug McKenzie except there wasn’t any remote chance of laughing. I fully expected them to start calling each other, “Hoser” and to crack open some Molson Ice. The nice thing about these guys was the fact that you hardly ever saw them or heard from them. They were almost non-existent. They did invade the halftime show, and I’m pretty sure that Brian Heaney (who is a dead-ringer look-a-like for SF Giants announcer, Mike Krukow) was on quaaludes. These guys got most of their airtime on the halftime show (which we’ll get to in a bit), but when they were on, they really didn’t add much to the telecast. In fact, I couldn’t tell you one bit of pertinent information that they shared with us during the telecast but I can tell you that Mr. Heaney had no clue where he was. The reason they get such a high score is the fact that they hardly showed up all game.
Brandon Gallawa- First of all, that is some good SCTV knowledge, and timely I might add. Black and Heaney only scored so well because we didn’t see them much. They made an appearance before the game, in between the quarters and for the halftime and post-game show. Black sounded like he was losing his voice. He must have been screaming at a Maple Leafs’ game or cheering on his favorite lumberjack in the hot saw competition. The cynic and I were very excited that Heaney looked like Mike Krukow. It was only when he cracked his frontal lobotomy-induced smile, but it was very exciting.
Halftime Show- Zach Harper: 1; Brandon Gallawa: 2
Zach Harper- Now this is where Black and Heaney (it sounds like a terrible, trying-to-be-funny, buddy cop movie with Wesley Snipes and Brian Cox) cost this telecast a legit shot at beating out the Sonics’ broadcasters for best critique of the season so far. The best part of this halftime show was at the beginning of it. They showed shots of the Raptors’ locker room as the players were walking around. Jose Calderon didn’t stop assisting his teammates as he was tossing around Gatorade and water bottles to his fellow Raptors. Is this a thing that they worked out before the season started? Sam Mitchell wanted to keep his Spanish point guard’s passing skills sharp by having him tossing bottles to everybody? Or is this like a last one in the locker room has to give out the replenishing fluids? Is that why the team runs to the locker room at halftime, or is it because they’re interested to sit down at an online poker table with Gilbert Arenas? If you’re asking yourself, “What does this have to do with the halftime show,” I was asking myself pretty much the same thing while Black and Heaney were talking hockey highlights and which colors looked like they tasted the best instead of giving me good information about the first half. Just awful.
Brandon Gallawa- I agree that the best part of the halftime show was the shot of the locker room. Joe Calderon kept distributing even when it was Gatorade and water. The question I had about this was what if some random player was walking around in a jock strap a la Pedro Cerrano in Major League? This only upped the score in the production department. Unfortunately all the halftime show was concerned about was pimping out the hockey broadcast that followed the game. Sydney Crosby was playing back where he grew up for the first time. It was a big deal, but they have to think of the NBA fans watching the game a little bit also. Black and Heaney (I think it sounds more like a brand of Worchester sauce) gave us no insight to what was happening in the basketball game that we were currently watching. As much as I think that Sid the Kid is a god of the ice, it’s not what we’re looking for in a halftime show.
Replay/Production- Zach Harper: 10; Brandon Gallawa: 10
Zach Harper- The production value and replay breakdown for this game was through the roof. Maybe they do this for every telecast, but they pulled out all of the stops. First Canada has free healthcare figured out before us and now they figure out how to put together a nearly complete basketball game. They showed the player introductions, which was a nice change. Surprisingly, not a lot of broadcasts do this these days. It’s so simple and yet, the Raptors are one of the few that have this figured out. Instead of a sideline reporter early on, they went with something they dubbed “Coach’s Edge.” It was a quick overview of the keys to the game only delivered by Sam Mitchell. This isn’t something that has been done on other telecasts so this got big points for innovation. They also gave the audience the “X Factor” for the game. Now, a lot of teams do this but they usually give you something like “look at the matchup between Kevin Garnett and Tim Duncan. These are two guys that are really important for their teams.” Instead, the Swirsk told us about Joey Graham going against Grant Hill. Best of all though, out of nowhere, they brought in Robert Parish to talk during the second half of the telecast. The Chief gave a great presence in the telecast and had a lot of insight on the two teams and the general state of today’s NBA. Just a great job by the Raptors’ brass.
Brandon Gallawa- This broadcast may have deserved a 14 is this department. I really think that they were just trying to impress us. The player introductions started it off. I can’t believe that up to this point we haven’t had a single broadcast show the player introductions. It really gets you into the game not to mention that the Air Canada Center’s P.A. was blasting Kanye West’s “Stronger,” and that is a song that I absolutely love. Sam Mitchell giving us the “Coach’s Edge” was great. As I’ve said before I don’t need Craig Sager in an ugly suit telling me third-hand stories of what the coach said. The “X-Factor” was a great touch. We all knew that Nash and Calderon are going to put up stats. It takes a little bit extra to figure out who could swing the game to that team’s favor. They completely missed the mark when they picked Graham and Hill because the match-up should have been Barbosa against Ford (as I mentioned before the game), but it is still a great idea. The aforementioned appearance of Thunder Dan in the switch the color commentator game was absolutely inspiring. Then they brought in The Chief Robert Parish. He talks way too carefully and thoughtful to be effective during an NBA broadcast, but I still loved every second of it. They kept it about the game with just enough nostalgia to keep Chief fans interested. Then the hits kept coming as they brought Alex English to sit at the scorer’s table with them to talk about the first half. Not to mention they had an abundance of background information on Steve Nash. This was the best we’ve seen.
Make Funability- Zach Harper: 8; Brandon Gallawa: 9
Zach Harper- It was really hard to make fun of these guys because there wasn’t any shtick, and they were so good that you can’t make any cracks about incompetence. The biggest thing we could come up with is that Chuck Swirsky looked like a love child of Paul Simon and the dad from Alf. He’s a dead ringer and that’s the only thing that you can say about him. This was also the 300th time that Brandon has found someone in the entertainment world that looked like the dad from Alf. It’s an unprecedented streak. Take that Cal Ripken, Jr.
Brandon Gallawa- The jokes only stemmed from the Chuck Delfino (which really only helped the make funability score) and the McKenzie brothers were the only reason for any make funability. I have to defend myself with my constant Willie Tanner references. I love ALF, but it just so happened that I think Sam Cassell had an Alf thing going on in our previous critique. Swirsky is really a dead-on ringer with the dad from Alf. It’s uncanny.
Post-Game Show- Zach Harper: 2; Brandon Gallawa: 1
Zach Harper- They gave the numbers, talked to Steve Nash about whether or not he was going to play for the Canadian Olympic team while he tried to steer the conversation back to the game, and then they cut away to a hockey broadcast. The interview with Nash was good, which is the only reason that they don’t get a 1 from me. I expected more after such a fantastic showing of the game. Although, they did cut away to a game that had Sidney Crosby in it.
Brandon Gallawa- I’m glad that they interviewed Nash after the game. But it was almost as if they were obligated to do so. They didn’t talk about the game much. We got some stats, and that was about it. The broadcast got our expectations way up, and the post-game really let us down. With how good this game was throughout, this post-game was pretty inexcusable. As a huge Penguins’ fan I was extremely excited with the double bill Suns-Raptors and Penguins-Oilers. Unfortunately we don’t judge post-game shows on other programs that the network carries.
Play-by-Play Announcer (Chuck Swirsky)- Zach Harper: 10; Brandon Gallawa: 10
Zach Harper- Swirsk is out of control and in a great way. The broadcasters really made the basketball game go from extremely entertaining to “maybe I shouldn’t delete this game from my TiVo for a while.” He was a wealth of knowledge on all subjects. He compared Steve Nash on countless drives into the paint to the graceful Mikhail Baryshnikov. He answered the game’s e-mail question on the origin of the word ‘dime.” But he did it in a way where he successfully used the word “brother” when he said, “Hey brother, can you spare a dime,” and how it translated into meaning the word assist. When Leandro Barbosa and the rest of the Suns kept hitting three after three in the 3rd quarter, Chuck was in awe of their offensive prowess and let go a “You gotta be kidding me!” But it wasn’t blurted out in frustration. He admired what they were doing. But the gem of the night for me was when Shawn Marion had his shot blocked by Jamario Moon. It led to this, “Shawn Marion just got Mooned!” He was extremely knowledgeable with basketball and never slipped up in the way he called the game. I never thought that Kevin Calabro would tie with someone in this process, but it happened. Perfect score.
Brandon Gallawa- Willie Tanner was absolutely killing it all night long. He seamlessly moved from Rautins to Majerle. He kept the action going while interviewing Parish. Which was almost impossible considering the way The Chief killed the timing, but he still pulled it off gracefully. He was excited for all the right reasons. He recognized the greatness of Steve Nash and the Suns’ offense and made sure all the viewers should appreciate that greatness. His “brother can you spare a dime” routine was absolutely ridiculous and fantastic at the same time. There is no denying that this was a fantastic game all around, and it sometimes is easier to call a game with so many great story lines and scoring. Swirsk still touched on all the plotlines and didn’t let them distract from the product on the court. In fact he was incredibly adept at weaving those plotlines into the fabric of the game. I still give the nod to the Calabro/Snapper team, but Swirsk made it damn close.
Would We Watch Again? Zach Harper: 10; Brandon Gallawa: 10
Zach Harper- I will watch them announce anything. I’ll watch Swirsky and Rautins announce Jason Kapono signing over half of his paycheck to Shaquille O’Neal and Dwyane Wade. I’ll watch Chuck and Leo announce somebody explaining to Joey Graham the exchange rate of Canadian money to U.S. money. These guys were amazing and they pulled out all of the stops for their broadcast. I love the idea of them switching color commentators during the second quarter because it gives the audience a sample of what else is out there and possibly how they compare to the announcers that the audience is used to. It’s almost the exact same thing that we’re trying to do with these critiques. I am now looking for Raptors’ games every night on league pass instead of looking for the best game available.
Brandon Gallawa- I can’t wait to get NHL Center Ice, so I could watch the completion of this broadcast on the hockey side. I would watch any Raptors’ game I could get my hands on if they are all this good. The production values alone should make every other broadcast jealous. Swirsk is an amazing announcer that probably doesn’t get a lot of recognition because he is languishing away in the Great White North. I want to see him on a national broadcast soon because he deserves it.
Zach Harper’s Final Score: 74/100; Brandon Gallawa’s Final Score: 74/100
Andy Eisner’s Dickter Scale (aka Hot Chick Bonus): +3 Points
We’ve been completely under whelmed by what we’ve seen so far. It seems like most of these games so far have been trying to not show you the women at the games, which is unusual. But for those that are still secure in their manhood and heterosexuality, they can appreciate the fact that other factors have determined the Dickter score at this point. The factors for this game happened to be a shot of C-Webb on defense in a Raptors: Where Amazing Happens commercial, Dan Majerle’s sideburns (which Andy Eisner can’t physically grow), and Chuck Delfino’s hair. It’s really nice.
Overall Score (Average of 2 sides + Andy’s Bonus): 77/100