The 9th game of our Announcers Critiques was the February 8th game between the Sacramento Kings and the visiting Utah Jazz. This game was quite a treat for the three of us to be apart of. As a non-Kings fan living in a Kings’ city, I’ve grown up watching the announcing team of the Sacramento Kings. For a long time, this was the only basketball I would see throughout the season unless NBC, ABC, ESPN, CBS, TBS, or TNT was showing games. Since I wasn’t a Kings’ fan like my co-counsel, Brandon Gallawa, I often found myself frustrated with the way games were announced and I for a long time was one of the few people in this town that couldn’t stand Kings’ play-by-play announcer, Grant Napear. The three of us doing this game grew up with these guys as our basketball obsessions grew throughout the years. So being able to critique this game ended up becoming something we looked forward to for a long time.
This was a fantastic game to watch. The Sacramento Kings always seem to play to their level of competition, which can be both great and frustrating for Kings’ fans. This night they were playing against the 4th seed in the Western Conference with one of the best 1-2 combinations in the league (Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer). This Jazz team has been on fire since they traded for Kyle Korver at the end of December. It started out with the Kings jumping out to a 6-point lead at the end of the first quarter before the Jazz stormed back to cut it to a 1-point deficit when halftime came. The Kings ended up matching the Jazz’s 30 points in the 3rd quarter and completely pulled away in the 4th quarter by outscoring Utah 29-17 for a 117-104 win to bring them to 23-25 on the season. The Jazz fell to 32-19.
Kevin Martin and Ron Artest, who had 27 points and 22 points, respectively, led the Kings. But the key to the Kings’ victory was the scoring of Quincy Douby and John Salmons off the bench. They combined for 28 points (13 for Salmons and 15 for Douby) on 8-14 shooting (4-8 for Salmons, 4-6 for Douby). That helped them combat the 23 points and 12 rebounds from Carlos Boozer and 18 points, 9 assists from Deron Williams. Surprisingly, the Jazz were annihilated on the boards 45 to 31. This was a fun game for us because a lot of funny stuff happened during the game. Hopefully, we can explain to you the hilarity of the situation, brought on by Grant Napear (play-by-play: upper-right) and Jerry Reynolds (color commentary: directly right).
Here’s how they scored:
Nicknames- Zach Harper: 7; Brandon Gallawa: 6
Zach Harper- Mike Bibby was still playing for the Sacramento Kings at this point and is often referred to as “Bibbinator” by Jerry Reynolds. Trust me; it’s much more annoying that it reads. Jerry has even found a way to infect this with Quincy Douby too. You guessed it; Quincy Douby is at times referred to as the “Doubinator.” The Kings were 9-18 in the game from three-point range, which at one point led Jerry Reynolds to calling the Kings’ coach, “Reggie Three-us.” Jerry Reynolds is awful with nicknames but Grant Napear does a great job of almost always referring to players by their full names or by their last names. He saved the Kings big time on this category.
Brandon Gallawa- Jerry Reynolds was the biggest inspiration for including this as a category in our critiques. It isn’t so much that he uses a lot of nicknames (which he does), but he comes up with stupid and awful nicknames. Bibbinator? Really? He is really bad in that department. On the other hand, Grant Napear is very professional in that regard. He doesn’t use first names. He doesn’t give out bad nicknames. It is very much a Yin and Yang relationship between Napear and Reynolds in this particular department.
Objectivity- Zach Harper: 7; Brandon Gallawa: 8
Zach Harper- Amazingly enough, with the Kings not being a very good team, these guys were extremely objective from what I was expecting. Back in the 4 or 5 years when the Kings were legit contenders in the Western Conference, the Kings rarely committed a foul and almost never went to the basket without getting killed (Of course, I’m being facetious). But now that the Kings really don’t have much to play for in a loaded conference, Grant and Jerry have really calmed down the biased viewpoints. A few instances caused the Kings’ announcers to be blind to what was happening on the court, but for the most part, they did a good job.
Brandon Gallawa- For this game on this night, Napear and Reynolds were actually very objective. Zach is right. They used to be one of the least objective crews in the league a few years ago. They have calmed down quite a bit recently. It’s almost as if they have accepted the Kings’ fate and understand that blaming the officiating isn’t going to change it. Napear still has times of openly questioning calls and crying for fouls. He drops a lot of expressions like “Come on, come on” and “Are you kidding me?” and “That’s terrible” to describe foul calls, and he has a tendency to continue to harp about a bad call. But more recently he has been more tough on the Kings and a little less biased with the refs. The one thing I will say for both Napear and Reynolds that they have always gotten excited for great plays whether the Kings or their opponents are making them. They appreciate good basketball being played no matter whom is playing it, and oftentimes that is the mark of objectivity.
Color Commentator (Jerry Reynolds)- Zach Harper: 5; Brandon: 5
Zach Harper- Jerry Reynolds is a hell of a nice guy and actually knows my dad from his days at West Georgia College. But he’s one of the most average color commentators I’ve ever heard. He doesn’t often break down replays very well and always seems like he’s trying to be funny instead of trying to analyze the game. As my dad often says, “He’s forgotten more basketball than most people will ever know,” and that couldn’t be more dead-on. The guy is like a basketball encyclopedia and can recall just about any player doing any accomplishment from any era, but he rarely brings this into the broadcast unless he’s nailing the answer on every trivia question. I don’t think he’s gotten one wrong in 7 or 8 years. One thing that is slightly humorous is that you can count on once a game that his voice will crack. That’s always a fun wager to make with your friends.
Brandon Gallawa- Actually “average” is really the nicest way to describe Jerry Reynolds. Another, more accurate way to describe him is disappointing. He has a mind like a steel trap. It’s ridiculous when you hear some of the knowledge he has stored in his brain. Unfortunately nothing else about him is ridiculous, and he tries so hard to be funny that it ends up just being sad. He knows basketball, and he knows how certain plays are set up and executed. Unfortunately he just can’t put it into words very well. He knows everyone in basketball from the last 20 years, and he has anecdotes for just about every situation. This would be great in a baseball broadcast that is more leisurely and slow-paced, but it doesn’t work as well in basketball. He does have a certain “Aw shucks” appeal to him, but that becomes a tired act very quickly.
Sideline Reporter (Jim Kozimor)- Zach Harper: 10; Brandon Gallawa: 5
Zach Harper- Jim Kozimor is usually the sideline reporter for Kings’ games. However, he had the duty for calling the game for the Kings on the radio that night and left the broadcast without a sideline reporter. Brandon found this to be incomplete because he wanted to see Koz. I thought it was perfect because as good as Koz is everywhere else, I can’t stand sideline reporters. Perfect score for me due to the lack of someone interrupting the game for no reason.
Brandon Gallawa- The other reason for the incomplete is what has come up in more recent games. The Kings have started using a new sideline reporter named Angela Tsai. I can’t really change my score for this broadcast, but I will say a few things about it. She is awful and adds absolutely nothing to the broadcast. If she was around for this broadcast, the score would have been a 2 or 3. Not only that, but there have been games where both Kozimor and Tsai are working the sidelines. Two sideline reporters? There is no need for that. I normally like Kozimor on the sidelines, and the broadcast doesn’t usually go to him. Still I know better, so this game gets my incomplete score or a 5.
Halftime Show- Zach Harper: 8; Brandon Gallawa: 9
Zach Harper- The Kings have something called House Party Live or the HPL as it is known locally. This is their pre-game and post-game show that breaks down the action from previous games and the game that happened that night. They used that crew, which is usually Jim Kozimor, Kayte Christensen, and random guest hosts/analysts. It’s actually really solid in the way that they break down the game. They always give good stats and some solid replays. They don’t do what a lot of other teams do, which is simply talk about their own team. They find a way to spread around the attention to both teams participating in the game. Sometimes, they have some awkward exchanges because Kayte is about a foot taller than Jim Kozimor when she’s in heels. That was the biggest knock against them tonight.
Brandon Gallawa- The House Party Live is actually very good especially during the halftime show. There are always a lot of great breakdowns of plays and important and key stats. There is a great rapport between the co-hosts, and that comes through during the broadcast. One thing that the Kings do at halftime is show prepared videos giving background on certain players or coaches or the team working in the community. They’ll even have Jerry Reynolds giving coaching tips (which considering his record as a coach may do more harm than good). This is a nice touch that we haven’t seen in any other broadcast. Many times these will also showcase players or coaches on the other team or tie a Kings’ player or coach back to the team they are playing. Also Kayte Christensen is very attractive and extremely knowledgeable, so she contributes positively on multiple fronts.
Replay/Production- Zach Harper: 10; Brandon Gallawa: 10
Zach Harper- This is where the Kings broadcasting team really makes their broadcast a cut above everybody else. Returning from every commercial break, the Kings’ broadcasters always have a camera on members of the crowd. Much to the joy of every male watching this game on any given night, that camera is always focused on the hottest women in the crowd unless it’s showing the Kings’ cheerleaders (I refuse to call them a dance team). The Kings’ cheerleaders are definitely in the top 3 for hottest “dance teams” in the league. However, that isn’t the only reason for our high score. They did a fantastic job of presenting information about all of the major players in this game and did a great job of timing their replays and using the proper ones. As much as I don’t like the Kings’ announcers overall, they do put on a great broadcast.
Brandon Gallawa- This is really the greatest saving grace for this broadcast. It is actually more of an event than a simple broadcast, and you can tell the Maloofs pay top-dollar for it. Their camera work is excellent. The have an abundant use of replays, but it isn’t overbearing. They come in and out of commercials using replays cut over contemporary music or music that works for the theme of the broadcast. They give a lot of stats. They have portion of their screen about the score that pops up with key stats such as how many rebounds Carlos Boozer has or how many 3’s Kevin Martin has hit. They show interviews with Reggie Theus during the broadcast to hammer home certain points. They also always do an interview with announcer on the radio side called the “Crossfire.” It’s a nice cross-promotion usually with Gerry Gerald (probably the best radio announcer in the league), but it allows them to talk about what is going on in the game. When you’re watching a Kings broadcast, you never look back surprised by a certain player’s performance because they don’t let anything go unnoticed.
Make Funability- Zach Harper: 1; Brandon Gallawa: 1
Zach Harper- Maybe it’s not fair for us to be judging this aspect of the Kings’ announcers because we have so much background information, have been honing our insults for years, and even are biased by Grant Napear’s radio show here every afternoon in which he’s often a dick to most callers, but we don’t really care about that disadvantage going against them. Grant and Jerry are extremely easy to joke about throughout a game. Grant is often very abrupt and matter of fact in his statements during a game, but not in the awful and un-watchable Stephen A. Smith way. Jerry has a southern drawl and finds a way to come up with some of the dumbest nicknames in the world for Kings’ players. When you put those aspects together and allow Brandon, Andy, and myself the opportunity to bash them, you’re going to get a 1 in this category every time.
Brandon Gallawa- It isn’t fair for us to judge this category because it is a guaranteed 1 every time. We’ve had far too long to perfect making fun of these two. Napear has a bunch of “catch phrases” that he uses all the time, and they have become so prevalent in our lives that we use them when we’re playing NBA 2K8. We scream “Webber” at random times. Whenever Grant is talking to anyone (especially Reynolds), he does that thing where he isn’t so much listening as he is waiting his turn to talk. He nods and says “Uh-Huh” and “Yeah” then drops an “Absolutely” or a “No question”, and it kills us every time because he couldn’t care less what was just said. Throw in the fact that his voice is grating and annoying and he is an ass, and he becomes the target of immeasurable amounts of ridicule. We also had a running joke throughout the night regarding Napear’s Wikipedia page in which we continually updated it that his nickname is Peaches. Don’t ask why we find it so funny; it just is. Then there is Reynolds. He truly is a dumb hick from French Lick, and he doesn’t mind acting like it. Any time Andy sees Mike Bibby, he says “Bibbinator” about 12 times, and it frustrates the hell out of Zach. This crew was also a huge inspiration for including this category in our critiques because we have been making fun of them for years. This is actually one of the few instances that a low score doesn’t translate because we truly enjoy making fun of Grant and Jerry.
Post-Game Show- Zach Harper: 7; Brandon Gallawa: 6
Zach Harper- The post-game show was solid like usual with the Kings. They always have an interview with a player and the announcers (this time it was Quincy Douby and his unibrow because of his great game). They gave some solid highlights no matter which team made them and then cut through the important stats. After the announcers sign off, the telecast is sent to the HPL (remember that’s House Party Live) and we’re greeted with Jim Kozimor and the amazingly hot Kayte Christensen. Not only is she hot for a WNBA player, but she’s actually hot. I’ve had the pleasure of being pretty close to courtside for a couple of games this year and she delivers in person. HPL does a decent job but instead of focusing on the entire game, it really only gives you info about the Kings. I hoped for more. As usual, Koz did a GREAT job with this one. He’s probably the best guy sideline reporter in the business.
Brandon Gallawa- I have to say this particular broadcast gave a lower score than their normal post-game shows would bring. Usually House Party Live gives us a better breakdown than this one did. But they still gave some great stats and highlights, but they needed to bring a little more because the actual game gave us these stats and highlights. They also usually show a post-game interview with Theus along with a breakdown of how everyone on the team scored. I just think the post-game should add a little bit more to the broadcast than this particular one did. They probably would have gotten a much higher score if the rest of the broadcast/production didn’t deliver as well. Of course there is always the hotness of Christensen coupled with the quirkiness of Kozimor, and that never disappoints.
Play-by-Play Announcer (Grant Napear)- Zach Harper: 6; Brandon Gallawa: 4
Zach Harper- Now, even though I may not be a fan of the way Grant Napear conducts himself on his local radio show (he’s kind of a dick but I do like that he usually hangs up on the awful callers), he’s actually a pretty solid announcer. He used to be a complete homer, which is fine if you’re a Kings’ fan that doesn’t care about the reality of the NBA, but now he’s allowed himself to become more of an unbiased play-by-play man. He does a great job with first names and nicknames unless it’s Brad Miller and he does a great job of calling the action on the floor. Every once in a while, he manages to get caught up with some officiating calls, but that can be expected. Grant is a little above average to me, which may not sound great, but compared to the rest of the play-by-play guys in the league, that’s saying something.
Brandon Gallawa- The one positive thing about Napear that I can say is that I know now that he isn’t the worst announcer in the league. He isn’t great, but he isn’t awful. He does have one of the most annoying voices of any announcer in the league. He has improved his once terrible objectivity. The things that actually hold him back are things that he at least takes chances on but fails to do well. He tries to use catch phrases. Most announcers try to avoid that because only the great ones can use them (Marv Albert anyone?), but Napear at least tries to be more recognizable than the standard play-by-play guy. He tries to show that he gets along well with Jerry Reynolds, but he is a dick and it’s transparent that he doesn’t. And when he gives Reynolds his courtesy laugh it is one of the most unintentionally funny things ever. I’m now thinking of his fake laugh, and I’m chuckling a little bit.
Would We Watch Again? Zach Harper: 8; Brandon Gallawa: 8
Zach Harper- We will of course watch again. It helps to have a good match-up for Kings games because unless you’re a fan of this Sacramento franchise, you probably aren’t going to plop yourself down in front of your flat-screen to listen to these guys call a Kings-Clippers game. However, it’s always great production by the Kings’ telecast team and definitely worth a watch.
Brandon Gallawa- First of all let me preface this by saying as a Kings’ fan I’m definitely watching again. Taking my love of the Kings out of it, I would actually watch again for certain aspects of the game. The likelihood of Ron Artest going crazy and killing someone is always a reason to tune in for a Kings’ game. The production value is the best in the league without question. I could make fun of Grant and Jerry throughout the broadcast and derive pleasure from it.
Zach Harper’s Final Score: 69/100; Brandon Gallawa’s Final Score: 67/100
Andy Eisner’s Dickter Scale (aka Hot Chick Bonus): +10 Points
This is where the immense amount of hilarity ensued during this telecast. If you’re asking yourselves, “how in the hell did Sacramento get a Dickter Scale score of a perfect 10?” then there are a couple of things you need to know. First, it’s a little unfair because since the girls shown on this telecast are local, Andy is going to be extra … let’s say frisky with how he judges what’s on the screen. Second, the Kings’ cheerleaders are easily in the top 3 hottest cheerleading groups in the NBA and since the Kings show them a lot during the broadcast, the “Dick”ter Scale is literally very likely to go up. Third, there was a certain event during this telecast that was something we never had seen before, which gave this game an automatic 10 in the Hot Chick Bonus. They could’ve showed Kathy Bates in a love scene for the rest of the game and it couldn’t have counteracted what happened in the background.
During this segment in the broadcast called “Crossfire” the Kings announcers discuss the game with the radio announcer for that night. A fun little tidbit about this when Jim Kozimor is doing the games is that Koz and Grant don’t like each other and rumor has it that they never speak unless they have to do it professionally. In fact, Grant will often ask a question to Koz and Koz will answer it by only speaking to Jerry Reynolds. But anyway, during this segment of Crossfire, there were two women in their late 30s sitting right behind Jim Kozimor. At first it seemed pretty odd that they were sitting so close together and that they were both wearing very low-cut shirts that showed off their “reasons that they probably have never paid a cover for a club in their lives.” As the Crossfire goes on, the girls started rubbing all over each other. Normally, you would expect the Kings to make up some kind of technical difficulty and cut to a different camera, but not tonight. Tonight, they played through the hole on the golf course despite girl on girl action happening on the fringe. Koz has a monitor in front of him and I’m sure he glanced at it at some point because he suddenly lost his train of thought and tried to keep his composure the remaining time while he was on camera. It was the greatest thing that I have seen on the basketball court since MJ’s flu game. Needless to say, it nearly gave Andy a stroke and was easily the greatest moment in NBA broadcasting history. That’s why we have a 10 for tonight and if I had let Andy score it his way, it would’ve been 100. If you think that isn’t fair to the rest of the announcing crews in the NBA, maybe the women of their respective towns should step their game up.
Overall Score (Average of 2 sides + Andy’s Bonus): 78/100
Photos Courtesy of grantnapeargolf.com and nba.com, respectively