Posted October 25, 2007
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington.  We have moved into the third season of The Simpsons.  This is the start of the show’s greatness.  The episodes are sharp and funny, and each one of them is a classic.  There are really no bad episodes in the bunch.  Some would say some of the episodes that are Lisa-centric are weak in comparison to the bulk of the other episodes.   But I contend that most of the Lisa episodes have copious amounts of Homer, so they’re always solid.  But I digress.  Homer gets a complimentary issue of Reading Digest that immediately strikes his fancy.  He proceeds to read everything from cover to cover in the magazine, and he praises piece of information contained within its pages.  One portion of the book contains a children’s essay contest about patriotism which could win the family an all-expenses paid trip to Washington, D.C.  Lisa wins her regional contest with an empowered speech relating the beginnings of the United States with the beginnings of a forest, and the Simpson family heads to the District for the finals.  While there Lisa overhears her local senator accepting a bribe from loggers wanting to cut down the Springfield forest.  She loses all faith in democracy and changes her speech to a vitriolic, hate-filled diatribe damning the government and politicians.  She obviously loses the finals.  This was before Lisa started to get involved with causes just because she can.  It’s also a very political episode that ultimately points out that the nobility of the many involved in our government overshadows the crookedness of the few.

I have been very hard on the Philadelphia 76ers recently.  I even wrote an entire article chronicling their downfall and ultimately predicting the worst record in basketball.  I went as far as to say that Billy King would be the one GM/head coach that should be fired this season.  I would like to rescind my earlier predictions after Kevin McHale pulled yet another boneheaded move this week.  I can only come to the conclusion that he is jealous of his ex-teammate Danny Ainge.  How else can you explain him signing or trading for seemingly every player that has been on the Boston Celtics?  After the blockbuster deal (for the Celtics) this summer and trading Ricky Davis and Mark Blount (two ex-Celtics) for Antoine Walker (another ex-Celtic), Minnesota Timberwolves’ fans have to be considering multiple forms of suicide right about now.  Is there even a plan?  You trade away a guy that has always been about putting up numbers when suits him best going into a contract year (Davis) for a guy that should be considered one of the worst decision makers and teammates of all-time (Cyber ‘Toine).  Why make this trade right now?  Why not wait until Davis’ stock goes up during the season when he is rebounding off his own hoop for triple-doubles and screaming “OH SHIT!” after dunking on six foot tall MVP candidates?  I thought at first that McHale might be afraid that Davis would put up too good of numbers and affect the T-Wolves potential draft position, but he obviously wasn’t looking very closely at the “team” he had put together.  This was a 20-25 win team best-case scenario now they’ll be lucky to crack 15-20.  And good luck developing the young talent with Al Jefferson and Corey Brewer now that Employee Number Ate is killing you chemistry and cap all at the same time.  Again I recant my earlier prediction that Philly would be the worst team in the league.  Even with Western Conference inflation, the T-Wolves will be worse this year and for a few years to come.  Sorry Dr. Harper.  It’s really a shame because I’m pretty sure that if someone held a gun to my head to pick the best season by a power forward of all time I would probably say 86-87 McHale.  Look it up, ridiculous numbers.

I just love this site http://www.firemchale.com if only for the random terrible McHale acquisitions in bobble-head form.

I don’t know how many readers out there are familiar with the board game Scene It!, but there is no better game for movie fans in existence right now.  The object of the game is like any other die-based game.  You roll the die for the number of spaces you can move and a second die for the category for which to answer.  The twist is that there is a DVD included that contains mini-games and clips from movies followed by questions.  When you answer a question correctly you are allowed to roll again or until you get a Buzz card stopping your turn.  It’s like Trivial Pursuit only for movies.  You can play with a number of teams or individuals.  It is right up there with Mall Madness in the running for the greatest board game of all time.  I received a copy of it for Christmas about four or five years ago, and my family came up with new Brandon Rules for the game.  Basically I was only allowed to answer a question every three turns, and my team couldn’t continue to roll when I answered questions correctly.  Needless to say I was always frustrated with these rules.  I was like Pistol Pete playing HORSE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9JLJunoxlc  starting with HORS and still expecting to win.  And I normally did.

So the other night Mrs. Good Knowledge and I went over to the good Doctor’s house for a little game night, and we broke out the Scene It!  We separated the group into two teams of three on three (Hoop It Up style).  Me, the wife and resident cynic Andy Eisner versus Doc, his girlfriend Val and his self-proclaimed BFF Kristin, and it was unreal.  I didn’t need the team.  I was Michael Jordan with the flu.  I was Larry Bird in the 3-point shootout.  I was Don Larson in the World Series.  I couldn’t miss.  After it was all said and done we had won two out of three games (Couldn’t do anything about the numbers rolled and Buzz cards pulled in game number two), and they were blowouts.  I’m pretty sure I broke Andy’s cynicism that game night.  I’m also pretty sure that the Brandon Rules may find their way back into my Scene It! games.

The wife and I have also been partaking in a trivia night every Tuesday night, and that has been quite the exercise.  Usually carrying two to three people like I did in Scene It! and trivia can be quite the workout.  Now I know how Kevin Garnett has felt the last ten years.  My back hurts.

In unrelated news ER is still on the air.  Who knew?  Of course it is firmly placed in the spot that would have been perfect for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip last year, but oh well.  I’m really sick of this trend where TV shows and bands replace key members of the cast/band and keep the same name.  Is that really fair?  If the original configuration of the show/group is no longer intact can we really consider it that same group?

Oh well, we are five days away from my birthday and six days away from the basketball season.  Life is good.  Just a reminder that there is more to life than basketball, but not much.  A little good knowledge can go a long way.

You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net

Posted October 18, 2007
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: Brush with Greatness.  Homer gets stuck in a water slide at Mount Splashmore water park because he is morbidly obese, so he decides he has to get back in shape.  While looking for his weights in the attic, Homer and Bart discover paintings of Ringo Starr that Marge had painted in high school.  Lisa convinces her mother to take a painting class at the Springfield Community College.  The professor of the class, Lombardo (in a terrific guest spot by Jon Lovitz), enters a painting of Homer into an art show.  It receives first prize in the show.  Mr. Burns sees this in the local paper and hires Marge to paint a portrait of him for the Burns Wing of the Springfield Art Museum.  After heckling and berating the entire Simpson family and calling Homer fat, Marge kicks Mr. Burns out of the house.  At the opening of the Burns Wing, the portrait is unveiled depicting a nude Burns.  Marge explains that the only way to find beauty in him was to point out how weak, frail and vulnerable he was.  This episode has a cameo by Ringo Starr; he is the first of the three surviving Beatles that appears on the show.  Lovitz is top notch throughout the episode.  Lombardo is own of those classic over-the-top Lovitz characters that say and act like everything they just saw was the greatest thing ever.  This episode is a good Mr. Burns episode also because he is extremely mean-spirited.  Not to mention that this is the first episode that we start to realize that Smithers has a little gay crush on Mr. Burns.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I know this is a basketball website.  Actually I know that this is THE basketball website, but I have to comment on Manny Ramirez and his “Who cares?” comment about being down three games to one in the American League Championship Series.  It’s not that Manny’s flippancy surprises me.  Everyone who has ever watched Manny play questions whether he cares.  Hell I oftentimes question if he is even awake.  He is the Tracy Morgan of baseball.  A professional athlete should never utter those words.  “Who cares?” is one of the cardinal sins of sports and life.  It is one of those rhetorical questions where the answer is: everyone.  I’m sure Boston Red Sox fans care.  I’m sure Manny’s teammates and coach care.  The Cleveland Indians and their fans seem to care that they have a chance to win a World Series for the first time in 59 years.  Manny isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.  He may have wanted to imply that he was loose and prepared, but this was the worst possible way to imply it.  I know that there are players in every sport that don’t care 100% of the time (not everyone is Kevin Garnett), but none of them are dumb enough to actually imply that they don’t.  Of course it’s just Manny being Manny.

Speaking of the baseball playoffs, I’m sure everyone alive has seen the Actober commercials with Dane Cook.  I’m sure of this because I’m positive that they are running on a constant loop.  These commercials are to baseball what the Rob Thomas NBA Cares commercials were to basketball last year.  Has there ever been a comedian/actor that has become as over-exposed as quickly as Dane Cook?  I’m just kind of done with his whole routine.  He screams.  He laughs at himself.  He takes himself entirely too seriously (which is usually the death of anybody that is supposed to make you laugh).  He stars or co-stars in 47 different movies in a three month span.  He makes weird head movements.  Basically he is guilty of every single possible form of douchebagery known to man, and now he is ruining the baseball playoffs.  I’m glad Saturday Night Live in all its going-down-flames glory feels the same way I do.  Check out this http://youtube.com/watch?v=fdE5UbCC1qQ  and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu04-fY_pzc .  It’s not even that funny, but the fact that it rips on Dane Cook makes me feel like they’re doing something right.  Also the fact that Andy Samberg does an SNL Digital Short every week is the only thing that is keeping SNL from total obscurity.

I really just want the word ‘douchebagery’ to catch on.  I’m making that happen.

I haven’t bought a new DVD in about six months, and I’m starting to have withdrawals.  I’ve come to the conclusion that this is my addiction.  For some it’s alcohol.  For others it’s drugs.  For me it’s any type of movie on DVD.  I thought I had a problem when I bought the Phantoms/Reindeer Games two-pack only because of the “Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms” line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.  But I got over that because Charlize Theron in Reindeer Games is phenomenal.  I realized I really had a problem when I bought Soul Man for $3.99 using the rationale of “Yeah it’s completely racists and not even that good, but I don’t own it and it only cost four bucks.”  I own two different copies of Clerks for god’s sake.

So I went on a DVD sabbatical, and I must say I’m not a better man for doing so.  I’m still angry that Kill Bill 1 & 2 hasn’t been released on one special edition, and then Grindhouse gets released as two separate movies.  I’m not angry because the movie studios are obviously trying to get more money from consumers.  Hell I’ll even tip my hat to that.  I can’t handle this because I would still like to buy all four movies separately, and I know that they did this because of guys like me.  I’m a whore.  It has gotten to the point that people are surprised when I don’t own a movie.  “You mean you don’t own Ghosts of Mars.  What the hell, dude?  I thought you liked movies.”  And damn it I want to be that guy that even owns a crappy movie like that.

In case you’re wondering what to buy me for Christmas, if it’s on DVD then you’re right on track because there’s more to life than basketball, but not much.  Remember a little good knowledge can go a long way.

You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net


Posted October 11, 2007
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: O Brother, Where Art Thou?  This is a top twenty episode as far as I’m concerned.  Homer finds out he has a long lost brother named Herb Powell.  Herb just so happens to be the owner of Powell Motors (a large auto manufacturer), and he is very wealthy.  Upon hearing that Homer is his brother, Herb invites the whole Simpsons family to stay with him in his mansion in Detroit.  He also entrusts Homer with designing a car for the “average” American.  This is obviously a bad idea and causes Powell Motors to go under.  Herb is voiced by Danny DeVito in one of the best guest roles in the history of the show.  This was back before the guest stars were only brought in because they were popular at the time thus becoming a gimmick to bring in more viewers.  The scenes with Bart and Lisa just being out and out spoiled by “Unkey Herb” are just how I’ve always imagined life would be like with a rich uncle.

I’m not sure how many guys this happens to, but it seems to happen to me a lot.  The other night I was planning on going to bed early, but I wanted to check the weather for the next day before I went to bed.  I turned on the television, and the news was on a commercial.  I decide that I’m going to surf some channels while I wait for the news to come back from the break, and I stumble on Rocky IV.  Now I can literally watch this movie at any time, but it happened to be on Spike right then.  So of course I had to watch it.  I watching the last quarter of the movie (basically the entire fight between Rocky and Drago), and I couldn’t leave the movie and go to sleep if I tried.  How could I when my choices were: watch Rocky Balboa single-handedly (his left hand by the way) end the Cold War or go to bed and not know the fate of the free world?  As far as I’m concerned me going to bed at that point would be tantamount to burning the American flag.  So I sit through the “if I can change, and you can change.  Everyone can change!” speech, and I have goose bumps.  Then I went to bed about 45 minutes after I had originally planned on it with a chill down my spine.

The question I have is this: why do I feel the need to watch a movie I love on television when I could just as easily pop the DVD in at any time we want?  Is it because men have the inherent need to watch a movie to completion when they see that it’s on?  It would have just been less time consuming to put the movie in and watch from that point.  But then I face the dilemma of “why don’t I just watch the whole thing while I’m at it?”  Because I know that I would have to watch “No Easy Way Out” over the shifting 75 times in his Lamborghini montage scene.  Then I thought men do it because the commercials are a nice break, and it allows us to flip through the channels while we’re watching.  But I must say I didn’t even touch the remote in fear of not catching the movie when it came back from commercial.  I can’t explain it.  All I know is that if Rocky IV, The Godfather, White Men Can’t Jump, Pulp Fiction, Groundhog Day or any other movie that I love and own is on the tube, I’m watching it.

I have to say that Tracy Morgan may be the craziest person in the universe.  In fact after watching this interview, I don’t even think it’s a debate any more.  I love every single moment of this interview.  This couldn’t be more random, ridiculous, and inappropriate.  I think Tracy Morgan is just emulating what he thinks Bobby Brown or any other crack head would say and do in certain situations.  I mean this is some off-the-wall shit.  Could anyone imagine Jay Leno even attempting to handle this interview without his head exploding?  Conan can handle just about anything, and his face was white (well whiter than normal).  Anything for a green card.

What happened to the NBA supporting the throwback jersey?  A few years ago it was the biggest thing going.  Every team was not only using a throwback as a secondary jersey, but some teams were unveiling a new throwback every year.  Now all teams just have hideous secondary jerseys.  Except for the Wizards’ gold jerseys.  I could watch Hibachi shoot one-handed all night long wearing one of those.  They make the Kings’ gold jerseys look like the ugly step sister.  I think every team should have a mandatory throwback jersey that they are required to wear once a month.  I also think teams with head coaches or general managers that were players should be forced to wear the throwback jersey from the era of their coach or GM.  This would benefit just about every team in the “cool” department.  The Kings would have baby-blues in honor of their new coach Reggie Theus.  Philly would don Mo Cheeks’ classic red and white Sixers’ uniforms.  This would be a boon for the team’s jersey sales, and it would give me an excuse to go and buy that Theus throwback that I’ve had my eye on for so long.

Maybe I just want the throwbacks to make a come back because they take me to a time when guys like Larry Bird, Jack Sikma, and Drazen Petrovic dominated.  It may not seem politically correct, but I just want to see a white NBA player with a set of cajones take over games.  It’s been a while since the league has had a white guy that knew he was better than most other players and played with a swagger and cockiness.  Steve Nash has a little bit of that, and that’s why we love him so much.  We thought Dirk had it too, but it turns out he’s too European.  I’m not going to apologize for my opinion on this because it would just be good for the league.

You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net



Posted October 4, 2007
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: Dead Putting Society.  Homer hates the fact that Ned Flanders has a perfect life.  So Homer forces Bart to enter a miniature golf tournament because he wants him to beat Todd Flanders.  Basically he is acting like every other crazy father by living vicariously through his son.  This is the first episode that prominently features the Flanders’ family.  It’s also an episode that is hardly ever shown in syndication, so it’s always fun to see it.  It’s filled with a lot of small jokes that always make me laugh.  The commentating during the competition is so funny and filled with so much hyperbole that it is absolutely dead-on to actual golf broadcasts.  The episode also contains one of my all-time favorite quotes: “I can’t believe it.  You’ve actually found a practical use for geometry.”

Why is it a story that LeBron James is rooting for the New York Yankees and wearing a Yankees hat to a Cleveland Indians playoff game?  It would make sense that LeBron would be a Yankees fan.  The Yankees have been winning championships since he was a little kid.  It’s the same reason why people in their forties all root for the Dallas Cowboys and Cincinnati Reds.  Those were the teams winning championships in the 70’s.  It’s easy to root for the team that always wins.  And if we’ve learned nothing else, it’s that Bron Bron loves taking the path of least resistance.

There may not be a better marriage of two more beloved things in the Talkhoops.net universe than basketball and Will Ferrell.  It’s almost too good to be true that Ferrell is making a basketball movie called “Semi-Pro.”  Its release date is set for February 29, 2008.  I’m putting the over/under on number of “Semi-Pro” references in Talkhoops’ columns at 342,712.  This teaser will either make you laugh mildly or laugh hysterically.

I thought this was going to be a gag the first few seconds that I watched this video.  You have three NBA players not named Vlade Divac sipping coffee at a café in Rome.   There is not a more over-hyped team in the preseason than the Boston Celtics.  I think everyone forgot that this team is still lacking a solid point guard to bring it all together.  I still think the Celtics win the Atlantic Division and maybe make the conference finals.  But just wait until they have to go against a team with an above average point guard in the playoffs.  Much like when John Stockton completely dominated Matt Maloney in the 1997 Western Conference Finals.  Didn’t everyone heavily tote the Houston Rockets that year because they threw together Pippen, Olajuwon, and Barkley?  Yeah, just checking.

I hate to say I told you so…actually I really don’t.  I knew that I didn’t like the Spencer Hawes pick the moment it happened.  Well apparently I knew a lot better than the Kings did.  It’s always nice when the 19-year-old center that your team drafted has had more MRI exams since joining the team than days in training camp.  You would also think there would be a red flag in the Kings’ organization any time the phrase “microfracture surgery” is brought up.  But not when it came to Hawes.  He apparently had the surgery WHEN HE WAS FOURTEEN!  Doesn’t it just give you a warm fuzzy feeling as a fan to know that Hawes isn’t slow because he’s not athletic; he’s slow because of all the knee surgeries?

Now I was the first to tell people not to freak out over Greg Oden’s microfracture surgery (actually Zach Harper was, but I digress).  So I’m sure people will ask: what is the difference between the Hawes and Oden knee injuries?  For one Oden has shown the potential to be great whereas Hawes has shown the potential to be great in the Pac-10.  For two Oden played in the National Championship game last year and has impressed scouts with his skill set since he was fourteen.  Hawes played in a National Championship game in NCAA 2K7 and has impressed arthroscopic surgeons since he was fourteen.  Greg Oden with a little limp will add to his old-man persona and match his 50-year-old face.  Spencer Hawes with a limp will just make him Brad Miller with a limp.

It’s to the point now that I don’t even hate Spencer Hawes; I hate the “brain trust” that drafted him.

Well at least I have this to always cheer me up… http://youtube.com/watch?v=g2ikqKQ3XSA

I’m pretty sure this Mark Jackson video is the reason why Youtube was invented.  I’m also positive that any point guard debate will end with two words: The Shimmy.  There’s really no point in arguing.

Every time I start talking about point guards it becomes salacious, but I really think Isiah Thomas is trying to see what will finally get him fired.  He ruined a once-great franchise.  He lowered expectations so much that he received a contract extension after posting a 33-49 season.  He not only wastes the Knicks’ money on awful contracts for overrated point guards, but now he also wastes their money by sexually harassing their employees.

I must say I’m not surprised based on my favorite Zeke story.  It actually happened many years ago, and it has nothing to do with the NBA.  In my mother’s younger days, she liked to go out and have a good time like most people in their twenties.  She lived in Southern California and was out at a night club with some friends.  From out of nowhere Isiah Thomas walks up to her wearing a mink coat and a fedora and asks if he can buy her a drink.  She says “Okay” because who wouldn’t accept a drink from an NBA player in a mink coat and fedora?  He then proceeds to ask her if she would like to go back to his hotel room with him.  She tells him that she won’t because she was married at the time.  His direct quote “Baby, don’t you know who I is?”

I love that story because there’s more to life than basketball, but not much.  Just letting you know a little good knowledge (and a mink coat and fedora) can go a long way.

You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net