Posted November 29, 2007
For all my loyal readers (and I’m sure I have one), I apologize for the temporary hiatus from offering up some weekly Good Knowledge. The holidays are quite a hectic mess, and that is all I will say. As a treat I’m doubling up the goodness this week, so enjoy knowing your knowledge.
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: Marge vs. the Monorail. One can make a case that there may be one or two episodes better than this one, but there is no doubt that this is a top five episode on everyone’s list. It’s a ridiculous and absurd departure from earlier episodes. This is really the first episode that expanded on the normal family sitcom themes that earlier episodes explored. It also was the episode that first took advantage of the medium. Not every scripted television show could have the random occurrences that this episode had. There were throwaway jokes around every corner, but they all worked in the framework of the show. The Monorail Song is one of the most enjoyable moments in the show’s history. Phil Hartman never gets enough recognition for this guest spot (probably because he was always great), but he is absolutely on the top of his game as Lyle Lanley. And the character is an absolute dead-on reference to Harold Hill from The Music Man. This is the first time that a musical number came out of nowhere. Usually characters would sing a song within the context of the show, or Homer would sing commercial jingles or songs that he liked. This would be a huge step for the show because the musical numbers have become a large part of the show’s success. This episode also has some of the most wonderful Homer quotes of all time. When Marge finds a family of possums living in the conductor car, Homer’s quote “I call the big one Bitey” is perhaps my favorite line in the history of Homer. Also one of my personal favorites is the exchange about someone being there to help stop the runaway monorail. Homer asks if it is Batman, and Marge says it’s a scientist. Homer with the ultimate touché says “Batman is a scientist.” Love that line. When talking about the Monorail episode one can never forget the guest appearance of Leonard Nemoy as himself. It is one of the best guest appearances by a celebrity ever. He really got it, and he was not afraid to make fun of himself. He has some great lines and really does what a guest star should; he adds to the show. The mob mentality of Springfield is also captured perfectly. They get swindled because a guy sings a catchy song to them. They vote for the monorail because Lanley says it’s more of a Shelbyville idea. It was random and groundbreaking, but what else would you expect from an episode written by Conan O’Brien? Shows like Family Guy and South Park should be thanking The Simpsons for this episode.
I am officially complaining that there is not nearly enough trash talk going on in our fantasy basketball league. That was until Doctor Harper took on my Good Knowledge team this past week. It seems like everyone forgot that the whole point of fantasy sports is smack talk. We get to be what athletes, coaches and General Managers aren’t, politically incorrect. I get to run smack on Zach for having Ruben Patterson, the original NBA sex offender, on his team. He gets to run smack on me because I was celebrating my birthday brunch and let my pre-rankings pick my team. General Managers can’t openly question bad trades or non-trades by another GM, but we can damn it. Let’s start the smack in the Talkhoops Fantasy Basketball league. Because Dr. Harper needs a reminder that he got beat this week after talking up his team from the beginning of the season. If there is any way that my wife beats him this week, I will never ever let him hear the end of it.
It’s never a good thing when someone is caught driving drunk or worse causes an accident while driving drunk, but it is always nice when it brings someone down a peg. That’s how I felt when Tony LaRussa got pulled over and was charged with a DUI this week. For those who don’t know LaRussa is the overrated, blowhard manager of the St. Louis Cardinals. He couldn’t be more full of himself, and he couldn’t take himself more seriously. At least he is somewhat better at saying the alphabet while drunk than managing a talented team during a big game. Wow, am I the only one that thinks this is absolutely hilarious?
With a crappy movie like Enchanted topping the box office this past weekend, I started thinking of great movies and not-so-great movies that had animation and live action. It used to be such a boon for Disney to release animated/live action movies. Back in the 70s they did it all the time: Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Pete’s Dragon, Mary Poppins. Everyone thinks of Who Framed Roger Rabbit in this category, and they should because it is an absolute classic. Remember the hype on the movie Cool World? Not even Brad Pitt in all his looking like a handsome-ass detective from the 40s glory could live up to the hype of that movie. They changed the Hollywood sign just to promote that piece of crap.
Then there was Space Jam. There really is no comparison to Space Jam. Michael Jordan was in his do whatever I please stage. Wayne Knight was nervous and sweaty just like in real life. Bill Murray was worth the price of the ticket. With his roles in Space Jam, Blue Chips, the Converse commercial and the McDonald’s HORSE commercial, can we get some more dramatic roles for Larry Legend? I loved the hell out the movie, but I always had one huge lingering problem with the plot. I know we have to suspend disbelief when watching a half-animated/half-live action movie about the Looney Toons recruiting Michael Jordan to play against aliens (also known as the Monstars) led by Danny DeVito, but I have a huge problem with the Monstars’ choices for basketball players. I understood Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, and Larry Johnson. I can even be sold on Muggsy Bogues. But Shawn Bradley? The only thing that would have made that realistic would have been a scene with that alien getting posterized by Pepe le Pew.
Has anyone ever looked at the soundtrack for Space Jam? We all know that R. Kelly was rocking “I Believe I Can Fly” on that album. There is not a soul alive that doesn’t feel a little bit of a tingle when hearing the intro to that song. No really that little piece of inspiration was written by the guy who sang “Feelin’ on Your Booty.” Not to lose track, but that was really a star-studded album. Check out the collaboration on the song “Hit ‘Em High.” It had five MCs representing the five Monstars. B Real, Busta Rhymes, LL Cool J and Method Man represented four of the Monstars, and they got Coolio to play the part of Shawn Bradley. But in all seriousness that album was stacked with heavy hitters. But I still wonder to this day why Nas didn’t set aside an entire verse in “Ether” to rip Jay-Z for being on the Space Jam soundtrack.
As far as those holidays that I was referring to earlier. I love being married. I never would give the impression that I don’t, but I hate the constant battle known as “Family Time.” I’m normally not the type that cares about offending people, but it’s tough when it comes to family. This is the first year the Mrs. Good Knowledge and I have had to choose where the newlyweds were spending the holidays. It is one of those dilemmas where you feel like you are letting someone down no matter what you decide. We ultimately decided to spend Thanksgiving with her family and Christmas with my family. Ultimately it’s no big deal because I love her family, and she loves my family. All I’m going to say is I missed out on some of my grandma’s homemade pumpkin pie (a Thanksgiving tradition), and I was more than a little bitter.
Speaking of holidays, I love just about everything about Christmas save for a few things. I hate the fact that there are Christmas decorations out earlier and earlier every year. I’m confounded with the amount of reindeer, elves and other miscellaneous Christmas items I saw before Halloween this year. My contention has always been to save the Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving. I know that there isn’t much in the way of Thanksgiving decorations, but it is still a holiday that gets overlooked because of the Christmas onslaught. The funniest thing about all the decorations is the fact that no one is apparently allowed to say “Merry Christmas” anymore. What’s the point of putting out all these decorations if it’s for a holiday that everyone is afraid to say? Political correctness has to stop. I’m taking a stand on this. The words “Happy Holidays” will never pass my lips. I don’t care if your name is Rabbi Goldstein; you’re going to get a hearty “Merry Christmas” from me this and every year. Because you know what holiday it is? This is America, and we celebrate Christmas. I won’t have it any other way.
What did I say about the Kings? They go out and beat the Spurs at home to get every fan’s hopes up, and then they choke away a winnable game to the Warriors two nights later. I really hate being a Kings’ fan right now. In related news, Britney Spears has a sex room in her mansion and feces on her couches.
I don’t question many moves the Spurs have made because they’ll ultimately be contending for a championship like they do every year, but they have to be kicking themselves seeing the emergence of Beno Udrih this year. I’ll be the first to stop people from jumping to unfounded conclusions, but he is averaging 14.7 points, 4 assists and 3.2 rebounds through nine games. Meanwhile Jacque Vaughn is only playing 13 minutes per game and not contributing at all. Would you rather have a serviceable 25-year-old back-up making $500,000 or a past-his-prime 32-year-old career back-up making $1.2 million? Normally the argument would be that you take the veteran for his playoff experience, but Udrih has playoff stats that are just as good if not better than Vaughn. I understand that the Spurs aren’t getting rid of Tony Parker any time soon, but it never hurts to have youth and energy coming off the bench. If nothing else Udrih could have become an above average trading chip.
I know Zach is ripping his hair out after reading that last paragraph (he is not the world’s biggest Beno Udrih fan), but I couldn’t help myself.
(Editor's note: He's right. I am.)
There will always be more to life than basketball but not much. Just because I missed a week doesn’t change the fact that a little good knowledge can go a long way.
You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net
Posted November 19, 2007
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: Homer the Heretic. We have made our way into season four. This is one the best seasons if not the best season in the run of the show. Homer stays home on a Sunday instead of going to church, and he experiences such a great day that he decides he is never going to church again. I thought my wife would love this episode with all the religious humor, but I’m pretty sure she fell asleep about halfway through it. I really want to try Homer’s recipe for space-age out of this world Moon Waffles. It’s waffle batter, caramel, and liquid smoke wrapped around a stick of butter, and it produces one of the best “Mmm…(insert food)” Homer has ever uttered saying “Mmm…fattening.” Some of the best episodes of the show have centered on religion and poking fun at topics people hold sacred, and this is no exception. In the episode Homer has visions of God in his dreams; God is the only character with five fingers. Homer creates his own religion, and he so creates his own religious holiday of Maximum Occupancy. In all honesty it really does sound like the name of a religious holiday. At the end of the episode when Rev. Lovejoy mentions that god worked in the form of his friends and neighbors “whether they be Christian, Jewish or miscellaneous.” Apu corrects Lovejoy telling him that he is Hindu and that there are seven hundred million of them; Lovejoy tells him “that’s super.” There are some great site gags in the episode too. Homer dancing in his underwear with his bear slippers on singing “Who Wears Short Shorts?” as homage to Risky Business. Homer walking around the backyard looking like a monk, but the robe is a bathrobe with a toothbrush in the pocket. Ned trying to rescue Homer by throwing him out of the upstairs window onto a mattress, but Homer bounces off the mattress back into the house through the living room window. This episode also has two of my favorite Homer quotes of all time. The first is “Everyone is stupid except me” and the second is “O spiteful one tell me who to smite and they shall be smoten.”
My wife is a part of the Talkhoops fantasy basketball league, and I couldn’t be more motivated by it. I feel the inherent need to win for bragging rights with my friends like every man who plays fantasy sports. This year I also have the extra incentive to have a better record than the misses because I will never hear the end of it from her and my friends if I don’t. This has permeated my every thought to the point that I’m having nightmares about her beating me. The other night I dreamt that she had picked up Mark Blount (a player I dropped right after the season started), and Blount put up a quadruple-double against my team. The funny thing is I knew that it wasn’t happening during the nightmare because Blount couldn’t put up a quadruple-double in his own dreams. I’m not sure how often this has happened in fantasy basketball, but I had a team that in seven days put up 324 rebounds and had 101 turnovers. How is that possible?
I love how reactionary everyone has become when discussing anything especially what is happening in the NBA. The Boston Celtics have won their first seven games, but there is no reason I should be seeing articles about whether they can win 70 games. That is absolutely ridiculous. No one should be writing about how the bad start by the Chicago Bulls will keep them from making the playoffs. They are too good a team for that. Let’s wait until the All Star break people. Everything that just happened in our society is the best thing or the worst thing ever, and there is no consideration of what has happened in the past. With all that being said, Carlos Boozer has to be an MVP favorite right now.
Phil Jackson and Tim Hardaway need to hang out more. I’m sure they could slur gays for hours together. I have to say I even laughed after hearing Jackson’s comments following a 107-92 loss to the San Antonio Spurs in which the Spurs hit 13 3-pointers. Jackson was asked if too much penetration was leading to open shooters. He referred to the game as a “Brokeback Mountain game” because “there’s so much penetration and kickouts.” I must say that it is always refreshing when someone says something very inappropriate and very politically incorrect. That is why I’m sure people are laughing at that comment right now. I’m almost positive that Talkhoops’ own Phillip Barnett is dying reading that quote and immediately scouring Youtube to find a clip of it. And this is the reason why we love people like Charles Barkley so much. People and more importantly athletes that speak their minds and care less about political correctness are so refreshing because everyone is so afraid of being lambasted by special interest groups and the media. You have to know that GLAAD had their collective panties in a bunch after hearing those comments. It’s so sad that people aren’t allowed to have an opinion any more especially an unpopular one.
I promised myself at the beginning of the year that I wouldn’t write an article about the Kings until they won two games. Then they go and beat the Detroit Pistons. This season has the potential to be the single-most frustrating experience of any Kings’ fan’s life. The only thing I can equate to being a fan of the 07-08 Kings is being on Britney Spears’ P.R. staff. You constantly expect the bad things to happen. You prepare to defend them for their awful decisions. You and your family and friends question your station in life and why you support and depend on the thing that drags you down. The only thing you take solace in is the fact that there are worse situations out there i.e. the New York Knicks/Amy Whinehouse. Then they get your hopes up by beating a team like the Pistons or selling a huge amount of albums in the first week of sales of their newest CD. You start thinking “Maybe if things start to break right we can salvage this thing.” Only to have them completely blow something that seemed to be something they couldn’t possibly screw up (losing to the T-Wolves or losing custody of the kids to K-Fed). And it’s back to square one. After how badly the San Francisco Giants and 49ers have done this year, I’m worried that my dad’s heart isn’t going to be able to handle this basketball season.
I don’t know what the big deal is with Yi Jianlian not being on the All Star Ballot. I actually think that the NBA shouldn’t allow write-in votes for Yi until he scores 25 points in a game. The last thing we need is a starting frontcourt of Kevin Garnett and Yi in the East because all of China voted for him. As well as Yao Ming is currently playing every NBA fan knows that he never deserved to start ahead of Shaq in all those All Star games early in his career. I understand that David Stern is pushing for a global market, but he shouldn’t do it in spite of American fans. I think that Yi will become a very good player, but he isn’t one yet. Not only that but imagine the riots in Istanbul if Hedo Turkoglu gets snubbed because Yi Jianlian gets voted into the game (or is it Constantinople?).
Just another reminder that there is more to life than basketball but not much. Never forget a little good knowledge goes a long way.
You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net
Posted November 13, 2007
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: Colonel Homer. Marge yells at Homer for talking during a movie at the Springfield Googolplex. This offends Homer, so he leaves the family at home and drives off to the outskirts of Springfield to a dive bar in the sticks called Beer-N-Brawl. While there he hears a country singer named Lurleen Lumpkin. She sings a song called “Your Wife Don’t Understand You, But I Do” that connects with Homer’s situation. He decides that he is going to manage Lurleen, and he is completely oblivious that she is attracted to him. Marge is unhappy with the situation, and she feels like her husband is slipping away. Ultimately Homer turns Lurleen away and sells her contract to a record company, so he can be with Marge and his family. Beverly D’Angelo provided the voice of Lurleen. The episode got its name from Elvis’ manager Colonel Tom Parker. I love when Homer tells the slick record executive that “They don’t call me Colonel because I’m some dumb army guy.” Lurleen had a later speaking appearance provided by Doris Grau in the episode Marge vs. the Monorail. She also appeared in the center square on “The Springfield Squares” in the episode Krusty Gets Kancelled, and she appears on the Homewreckers bowling team in the episode Team Homer. D’Angelo will be reprising her role as Lurleen fifteen years later in an upcoming episode. I can’t hold back my laughter during the “Ya-Hoo!” portion of the show. It’s a reference to the awful back-woods sketch comedy show “Hee Haw” that was on the air from 1969 to 1993. I’m as amazed as anyone that “Hee Haw” was on the air that long. I completely die when the cast of “Ya-Hoo!” is named off. First of all they start off by saying that the cast in alphabetical order, and the first person listed is Yodelin’ Zeke. And any show with a character named Big Shirtless Rob will always make me laugh.
I love any of the Geico commercials, but I especially am fond of the ones with washed up celebrities. The Little Richard commercial made me laugh uncontrollably when I first saw it, but nothing beats the recent Michael Winslow commercial. I bet some are asking “Who the hell is Michael Winslow?” Well you may better know him as the guy who made noises in the Police Academy movies. He is amazing, and he is obviously hurting for cash. That makes the sound effects seem even better because they are pretty much being made out of desperation. Check it out and don’t tell me you aren’t impressed.
Speaking of funny commercials, is there a funnier pitchman than Peyton Manning? I mean first he had the “Cheering for regular people” MasterCard commercials. Then he started doing the DirecTV commercials. The Sprint commercial is also hilarious. His “This Is Sportscenter” commercials are completely classic. Now we have the Priceless Pep Talk commercials. Seriously this may be the funniest commercial I have ever seen. If Manning hosted the Espys I might actually watch. Actually I still wouldn’t watch, but at least it wouldn’t be LeBron James or Lance Armstrong being shoved down our throats. The commercials alone leading up to the Espys would be worth it. It would be just like all those amazing commercials leading up to the movie Orange County, and the movie itself ultimately being disappointing.
Peyton still isn’t the master of athletes in commercials. That has to go to Keith Hernandez and Walt “Clyde” Fazier in the Just for Men commercial. I know what you’re saying “Where is the link to the video?” That commercial is nowhere to be found. They do have videos about the Puma Clyde basketball shoes, but no Just For Men commercials can be found. I’m pissed. The Just For Men website at least knows what’s up.
I love Acie Law IV, and what he is doing with the Atlanta Hawks is fantastic. Hopefully they can keep it up, so I can be right in one more aspect of life to piss our cynic Andy over the edge. But I’m pretty sure he can’t bowl with his left and right hand as well as Michael Conley Jr. does. I wish I could bowl this well with just my right hand.
My wife continues to confound me. She is extremely intelligent, yet she constantly watches television that really was created to entertain the lowest rung of human beings. She will sit and watch reruns of shows like Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model over and over again. How can you watch a rerun of a reality show? As if that isn’t enough she told me the other day that she logged some time with A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. A Myspace “celebrity” has a Bachelor-type show where she has to decide if she loves men or women more. I’m all for attractive women hooking up, and I won’t even watch this show. You know you’re watching classy people find true love when a fight breaks out at the end of every episode. At least you know they care…I guess.
The reason my Good Knowledge blog wasn’t up at the usual time this week was due to the fact that I was enjoying the hell out of James Taylor at the time that I normally write. Mrs. Good Knowledge, her parents and I went to go see him perform at Arco Arena on Thursday night, and he was amazing for lack of a better term. He is an entertainer through and through. His voice sounds just as great as it did on the original recordings from thirty years ago. He was funny and told stories to the crowd. He played for over three hours. Between sets people crowded the stage, and Taylor signed autographs, shook hands and talked to fans. James Taylor isn’t the usual artist you would hear about on a basketball website, and that is unfortunate because I’m sure anyone can appreciate his music.
Once again there is more to life than basketball but not much. Never forget a little good knowledge can go a long way.
You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net
Posted November 1, 2007
Last Simpsons episode my wife was forced to watch: Lisa the Greek. I was really hoping I could talk about how we watched the second Treehouse of Horror episode. It would have been timely considering it being Halloween yesterday, but we got so engrossed with season three that we couldn’t stop. Homer starts paying attention to Lisa because she shows an inherent ability to pick winners in football, and he is a compulsive gambler. Lisa loves the attention Homer is giving her and the time they are spending together; they start to refer to Sundays as Daddy-Daughter Day. Homer upsets Lisa because he tells her that he won’t spend the week after the Super Bowl with her. He instead plans on going bowling with Barney. When Lisa realizes that Homer was just exploiting her, she tells him her pick for the Super Bowl: a Washington Redskins victory means she still loves him, but a Buffalo Bills victory means she doesn’t. The Redskins win the game, and Homer is relieved to find out his daughter still loves him. The name of the episode is an homage to Jimmy “the Greek” Snyder, a commentator that used to pick winners during CBS sports’ broadcasts. Lisa is superior to Jimmy the Greek at picking winners, and she is significantly less skilled at disparaging entire races. The other cool thing about this episode was that the actual teams playing in the Super Bowl were mentioned, and the winner was correctly predicted. In future airings the episode was re-dubbed to contain the teams that were playing that year, and each year the show correctly predicted the winner of the game.
On Tuesday I turned 25, and it was pretty uneventful as per usual. I went out to dinner with my mom and my wife. I bought Spider-Man 3 on DVD (the first movie that I’ve purchased on the first day it came out in months). We all went to Tuesday night trivia. Normal stuff all things considered. It really could have been any other Tuesday night. The real celebration happened on Sunday. At my request, Mrs. Good Knowledge invited some friends over for a brunch. It was phenomenal. There was fruit and a breakfast bake. Waffles topped with chocolate syrup, strawberries, chocolate chips and whipped cream were the main course. We had mimosas and screwdrivers. It was a damn good birthday party, and I give all the credit to my wonderful wife. It was so good in fact that the wife and I forgot about the Talkhoops Fantasy Basketball Draft. I’m not disappointed with my team though. I really can’t be because I enjoyed the hell out of the waffles and screwdrivers. I think that having waffles, drinking aplenty and forgetting a fantasy basketball draft may become a birthday tradition.
Another tradition that really shouldn’t be limited to once per year and might have improved the brunch is Count Chocula. Count Chocula is pretty much the most underrated cereal ever created. It combines the chocolate of Cocoa Puffs with the marshmallows of Lucky Charms. It’s pretty much the sweetest cereal of all time, and it is so delicious. It even turns the milk into chocolate milk when you eat it. I talked my wife into trying it, and she said Cocoa Puffs were better. I called her a blasphemer and didn’t talk to her for the rest of the night until I realized it meant more for me. It really needs to be sold all the time and not just limited to around Halloween. I get the theme that ties it in with this time of year, but it’s far too good not to have available all the time. We get so few Trick or Treaters that I would consider handing out whole boxes of Count Chocula to whomever rings our doorbell (basically Dr. Harper will be ringing my doorbell constantly next Halloween). I wonder if there is a place in the country that gets Count Chocula all year long because I would consider moving there. I’m not using hyperbole right now. I really would consider it. My next move will factor in the community, distance to my work, how far away our families live, what schools are in the area and whether or not Count Chocula is available year-round. That or I need to get hooked up with somebody that works for General Mills. Somebody get on that.
Oh and Boo Berry and Franken Berry along with the lesser-known Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy can go right to hell and burn for eternity for all I care. They are awful cereals with stupid mascots riding on the coattails of the greatest cereal/cereal mascot of all time. Not only that but Count Chocula was a superior basketball player. Just watch and learn.
Zombie movies are one of my biggest guilty pleasures. I will watch any movie with zombies in it and love nearly every one I see. You can rarely go wrong when the undead is involved. The exceptions being My Boyfriend’s Back, Redneck Zombies, a few of the Return of the Living Dead movies and the awful House of the Dead. Along with Big Momma’s House it is the only movie I’ve ever walked out of, so needless to say I’ll include House of the Dead 2 with that list. Most would also include Plan 9 from Outer Space into that group, but that movie is so bad that it’s good. It rates a solid 12 out of 10 on the unintentional comedy scale. I know that I could watch 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead, Dead Alive, Planet Terror or the Dial “Z” for Zombies vignette from Treehouse of Horror III hundreds of times and never get tired of them. I contend that the best horror/scary movie ever made was and is George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. It was made in 1968, and it still holds up as one of the creepiest movies of all time. There are few movies that make you feel uneasy from start to finish, and there are few horror movies that use mood to set the tone as well as Night of the Living Dead. Throw in the political undertones and the twist ending, and it really opens your eyes to how ridiculously bad horror movies have become by comparison. In forty years all people will remember about the Saw movies will be “was that the one with all the gross stuff?”
Going along with this scary theme, there is nothing scarier than THIS. Just the thought of Magic Johnson having a TV show makes me shudder. Can it really be considered an interview if you’re just laughing the entire time?
Magic knows there is more to life than just basketball, but not much. Another friendly reminder that a little good knowledge can go a long way.
You can email Brandon at bgallawa@talkhoops.net
